This is a journey to the interior, a journey to the real me, a trip of being reflected in the other and staying calm while all your shadow self gets reflected in the surface of your thoughts. This is a journey of the unconscious, of the ego masking your weakness by playing the guru role. This is the journey of not getting any advice but listening to your intuition. This is a journey of vulnerability. Who is ready for being vulnerable? Who's ready to write the truth? Who's ready for listening to the truth? Who's ready for being itself? Who's ready for its maximum expression?
My practice of being myself is expressed every second and it needs lots of awareness. Like right now: 7 in the morning, it's still dark in my small hotel room in Playa del Carmen, making noise while writing and my wife sleeps. I'm myself, she's been herself. My self wants to write, her self wants to sleep. She wakes up and doesn't complain. There are always four choices. Complain because it's early and she wants to sleep more or get motivated to do the same if she vibrates with me. I have two choices. Stopping being myself because she is sleeping or daring to be myself. This simple moment in my life can teach me so much about how independence can lead me to more growth. Sometimes I think that growth it's an illusion. I feel the more I can be a healthy child the more I feel better about myself.
This journey in Mexico has been growing as hell. Led to peace, definitely after passing for my shadow self. I have still no answers. It seems that the answer is at the end of staying fine with no answers.
What is privacy? What is transparency? Everything gets solved for me through embodying purity. Period. At least for me. We all go through our shadow selves. These seem to be a competence to see who enjoys more on earth. Is it real joy? Or is it the lack of that hoy that creates a bigger contrast when you finally find the energy? We look for energy instead of building it. I'm sure about that.
My wife is meditating right now. She's my daily spiritual retreat. She's my contrast. There's so much to write about "marriage", the meaning, the goals, playing the guru, the expert on relationships... I just know that if I don't master love, there's no sense in going through bringing any kind of shortcut to love. You need to go through your shadows while keeping a relationship healthy.
I don't feel so open today. It feels scary to write an open journal to the world. it seems to be good medicine. I read so many people writing beautiful poetry on Instagram and I just remember that poetry it's precisely finding beauty in what it's not.
Meditating seems to ground the fact that we are fine and we will be. I constantly feel the need of doing nothing and just sitting with myself. Sometimes through guided meditation, and playing my guitar, and now it excites me to find a home in Turley where I can come to watch the sunset every day.
I surrender to the medicine of a woman. I have so much respect for women. They are love. Sometimes I just feel this need of advising my brothers and saying "hey bro, shut up and listen to her". She is your journey to your highest expression. I was about to write "your highest expression as a man", and I asked myself, why divide?
I'm picking up my baggage to Tulum. I left it in the house of Kristian, the guy who anyone seems to trust and I decided to trust. Narrating my 4 months in Tulum could be one of the most entertaining novels that you could ever read. I can come up with that in my next journaling. I need to go. maybe I meet with Ash, Shane, or any random beautiful beings that I met over "there". What a jungle. A real Selva Latina.