Writing is one of the best practices we can do when waking up; it allows us to scan, what is going on inside, and by coming out, we feel a sense of relief. There are so many stories going on in our lives that worth telling. Our perspectives and teachings are unique. They are like the song of life inside us waiting to be born.
Every journey has a lesson for us. And for me, I consider every person as a journey. I feel every individual as a mirror, and I'm always listening and watching what I can learn from this new person in my life.
As soon as we arrived in Selva Latina, in Tulum, with Max and Natalia to check out this house, I saw Max's reaction to Justin being our neighbor. Max was present but not able to make a decision. There was enough input for me not to trust and stay in that place, and I knew that my mind was created to protect me, so I started to sense instead of think. The fact that the admin ran away when I asked for the proof of administration of that house made me feel untrust. We needed a place to stay, and Natalia and Simay were in love with that big house. So I said to Kristian that we were taking it.
Having several friends that are lawyers around me in my life has brought me a sense of more awareness when it's about signing papers. And something was not correct about this. I allowed my feminine to step forward, and I just signed the six months contract for the house, so we could move as soon as possible and enjoy that delicious pool in front of us. Bringing trust to others when they don't trust you can also allow the business to flow. That was the same lesson again, this time with Kristian. Everything went just fine.
Just before moving, Max notified me that they were not doing it. We were supposed to live together to create the projects in our minds. Since I was in Turkey, he has been excited about co-creation. I was starting to convince myself that that was a good idea when I sensed that it was more because of lack than because of the desire for co-creation.
Before continuing, I wish to be clear that I'm not afraid of judging. I've heard so many people being fearful of judging... and judgment in the form of discernment is a great tool to guide our intentions to fulfillment and be sure that this life is built with the right people around. The more you judge others, the more you judge yourself. We train our minds to find the bad by constantly seeing the bad in others.
You can know that your discernment is going into unhealthy judgment when:
You are always quick to make assumptions.
You are never able to see both sides of the story.
You don't bother getting to know someone before passing judgment.
You always think you are right.
You have a superiority complex.
You are always quick to criticize.
...So we moved to the house. And well, I could use the room that they were supposed to occupy by using it as my studio. And I did. Soon, I met Justin. His voice is so low in pitch, and his presence so robust, always dressed in leather, that you feel like having a gangster in front of you. He was doing cocaine. I always say that we do different drugs. I do love; that's as strong as cocaine.
My mind went immediately to judging. This judgment comes from my father's judgments about everyone. When my mind starts talking, I'm curious about who the voice is speaking to; I know it's not me. So I notice the voice of my father talking inside of me. My father used to talk to me a lot about the disadvantage of destroying your life with drugs and wasting your money on sex.
It was tough for me to connect with Justin, so hard. He gave me all the signs needed to feel cresting a protection bubble around me. I noticed his obsession with connecting with me in the next few days. Knocking at my door, running out of his house every time I got out of mine. He used manipulation to stay in a useless conversation; in the end, he felt attracted to me.
All this rejection was excellent for me to analyze myself. I just noticed that Justine was just a parallel version of me. This is how I see everyone, like a similar version of me. And I promised myself to practice compassion; maybe he just needed to speak to someone. So I listened to him.
My experience of giving access to him to talk to me was like a tree. There was no space for me to speak. There was so much energy inside of him to let out in the form of chit-chat. And this is so hard for me to handle lately... I understand that connecting deeper takes time for some people. In my daily life, I'm going deeper with myself, and everyone with access to my world has a beautiful capacity of not saying on the surface. This doesn't allow me to connect with some people. I found a solution recently to these chit-chats: when people ask me, "how are you?" I will answer "horny" and see their reactions. Until now, it was just a "do you want to listen to how I am or are you just following a society rule for faking connection?
He was dangerous. Justing offered a friendship to me based on fear, rejecting Simay by referring to her as the worst attack of the white race over my Mayan people. In his mind, she came to rape their traditions. He was always watching around when he was talking to me like someone was listening to the most hidden secret in Tulum's history. Always with some cocaine left in the nose, sometimes, somewhere in the face. Finally, he was vulnerable and told me about his childhood; he was raped and raised in the most unhealthy environment. He said, "You should be afraid of me." The only time I opened my mouth, I asked him if he knew about human design. When I barely explained to him, he answered, "Are you trying to catalog me?" He was in defense mode while being vulnerable. That is the wildest manipulation in the spiritual community in Tulum to get your money.
Days before leaving and meditating on his energy fighting with every neighbor, I came to his house to play my guitar and sing some songs to him. He enjoyed himself when his anxious energy allowed him to sit for a minute.
The day I left that house, he clarified my position from a gossip between him, the admin, and the owner. He was respectful to me. He realized that I was not getting involved in drama. I just told him that I knew the three of them, that I spoke my truth to them, and I said what I would be able to repeat in front of each of them if needed.
I'm running on this story. I could go into more detail, but I am excited to share this with you.
I feel sad when I realize these unhealthy masculines around me. I can love them, but when they offer cocaine, cheat on your beloved (that's another story with Max), get your money by not speaking clearly, or play the king of the Jungle by spreading gossip around... I feel sadness and hope at the same time. Maturity doesn't come by selling your products to people on a spiritual path. Hope comes with an understanding that they are on their path, which is all about time.
I'm happy about something. I'm so glad that in my life, all these beautiful medicine women have cut my bullshit. That's why I honor women again and again. That's all that is needed: love. Love cuts all unhealthy masculine bullshit. And I'm happy that all these mirrors come to my awareness to see myself, my old self, and my simultaneous reality in my brothers.
I want to play something other than the moral authority, play the savior, the Guru. This is my perception.
I would extend this story, but my goal is not to entertain but to bring awareness.
Brother, stop your suffering by surrendering to the medicine at your hand. Stop the masculine protection. Anyone will hurt you. Love hurts because love is more potent than Ayahuasca and filling your house with sacred geometry. It's time to open your heart. The medicine woman in your life won't be attracted by trying to impress her with money or unreal power. Let's change that proclamation.
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